Today is the the last day of my terrible , crazy , busy and boring holidays. I don't know should i call these my "holidays". But its seems my terrible days in this years, I lost my job , dump by my ex , been forbidden and abandon. These people who said they love me , care about me or others else suddenly disappear in my life. You know I really rather go back to high school life , not because i don't need to work. Is because I felt that time , I feel more happy and know how to be a human. Nowadays , I'm not really happy and found that i can't really smile deeply from my heart. Although I 'll smile with people but is might only for manner.
During these "Days" I mostly spend my time alone at home or with my family. Everyday eat , online , watch drama and sleep. I found that is my own problem on communicate. Before that i was dare to speak out my own feeling , now I'm really don't know how to speak or sometimes is lazy to speak , prefer trough writing or typing . Alhough before because I dare to speak might cause some troubles. But now not speaking might cause bigger and more troubles. Sometimes , really don't know should i speak or not.
Yes , I'm fully agree with all the bible study teaching i learned. I did try to work out but seems it is really not working on those "Humans" . Yet i tried some which gave me a very bad memories or experience, and also get a bad feedback which make myself more speechless and hopeless. Finally i choose to emotion shut down. Will it be better on me ? I really don't know.
In these "days" , i watch back the famous drama from HK TVB channel " Moonlight Resonance". I like these drama very much and yet I learned some (don't know how to say). SO willing to have a little tried on it. Hopes it will be working on my sickness.
God , please bless me...
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