Today I will give myself 55 marks. Cause I got think of him a little but I didn't reply his message . I know might hurt him, but I cann't go on like this... at least need to recover from the sickness first.
But I need to minus 10 marks from my mom. She really make me feel stress and wanna run away from home. Is only my sister's wedding, I knew she want my sister to be proud while she step out this house. But the house is already almost perfect but she just keep on cleaning , buy things to decorate and non-stop complaining. Sorry la, our house is not a castle , as long as is clean and not messy then is great already. Hais...really don't know what she thinking.
But having a good start with my new job. My Supervisor very nice. Hope i can;t help her to do more things. Just now spending a great time with my Dear friend , CHloeTiffany. Also realese stress and sadness during chi chat. Great news is received a big present from DAD but i didn't meant want it plus my mom keep jealous me. If she want it take it la, I don't really want it. Another is this coming Sunday gonna do releasing prayer for my sickness , is gonna be a hard time. But my heart seems don't wanna let go him. What should i do .....
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
My new days....
Today 23 September 2009 now 1:30 a.m...
I will start to my new days diary. So I will try to write this everyday like a myself emotion report .Hope can cure sickness. Today I give myself 50 marks, rarely pass.
Today nothing special , just accompany my parent to buy some stuff for my sister wedding. Its on this coming Saturday. Not really excited , i don't know why, but trough this I saw that my parent really happy and really willing to spend a lot to make make my sister can be proud to marry. And yet I see they really love my sister and I feel a little jealous on her.
I also didn't think much on him today. because is hopeless. Feel excited that my sister need to go karamunsing complex to buy something. I was thinking might meet him , but I didn't meet him. Feel a bit strange with my evening snap, I dream about him. Maybe that call " What u think at day; what u dream at night". Feel myself so stupid to think about him daily. I hope that one day I can speak out all my hates and hurt in front of him, maybe my sickness will cure on that moment.
Well, my new job is gonna start today, need to wake up at 6:45am, but can't really sleep now 1: 48 a.m. and is start raining outside. Hope is a good starting for my life.
Good night myself....and be happy.
I will start to my new days diary. So I will try to write this everyday like a myself emotion report .Hope can cure sickness. Today I give myself 50 marks, rarely pass.
Today nothing special , just accompany my parent to buy some stuff for my sister wedding. Its on this coming Saturday. Not really excited , i don't know why, but trough this I saw that my parent really happy and really willing to spend a lot to make make my sister can be proud to marry. And yet I see they really love my sister and I feel a little jealous on her.
I also didn't think much on him today. because is hopeless. Feel excited that my sister need to go karamunsing complex to buy something. I was thinking might meet him , but I didn't meet him. Feel a bit strange with my evening snap, I dream about him. Maybe that call " What u think at day; what u dream at night". Feel myself so stupid to think about him daily. I hope that one day I can speak out all my hates and hurt in front of him, maybe my sickness will cure on that moment.
Well, my new job is gonna start today, need to wake up at 6:45am, but can't really sleep now 1: 48 a.m. and is start raining outside. Hope is a good starting for my life.
Good night myself....and be happy.
Speechless , Hopeless , Emotion Shutdown
Today is the the last day of my terrible , crazy , busy and boring holidays. I don't know should i call these my "holidays". But its seems my terrible days in this years, I lost my job , dump by my ex , been forbidden and abandon. These people who said they love me , care about me or others else suddenly disappear in my life. You know I really rather go back to high school life , not because i don't need to work. Is because I felt that time , I feel more happy and know how to be a human. Nowadays , I'm not really happy and found that i can't really smile deeply from my heart. Although I 'll smile with people but is might only for manner.
During these "Days" I mostly spend my time alone at home or with my family. Everyday eat , online , watch drama and sleep. I found that is my own problem on communicate. Before that i was dare to speak out my own feeling , now I'm really don't know how to speak or sometimes is lazy to speak , prefer trough writing or typing . Alhough before because I dare to speak might cause some troubles. But now not speaking might cause bigger and more troubles. Sometimes , really don't know should i speak or not.
Yes , I'm fully agree with all the bible study teaching i learned. I did try to work out but seems it is really not working on those "Humans" . Yet i tried some which gave me a very bad memories or experience, and also get a bad feedback which make myself more speechless and hopeless. Finally i choose to emotion shut down. Will it be better on me ? I really don't know.
In these "days" , i watch back the famous drama from HK TVB channel " Moonlight Resonance". I like these drama very much and yet I learned some (don't know how to say). SO willing to have a little tried on it. Hopes it will be working on my sickness.
God , please bless me...
During these "Days" I mostly spend my time alone at home or with my family. Everyday eat , online , watch drama and sleep. I found that is my own problem on communicate. Before that i was dare to speak out my own feeling , now I'm really don't know how to speak or sometimes is lazy to speak , prefer trough writing or typing . Alhough before because I dare to speak might cause some troubles. But now not speaking might cause bigger and more troubles. Sometimes , really don't know should i speak or not.
Yes , I'm fully agree with all the bible study teaching i learned. I did try to work out but seems it is really not working on those "Humans" . Yet i tried some which gave me a very bad memories or experience, and also get a bad feedback which make myself more speechless and hopeless. Finally i choose to emotion shut down. Will it be better on me ? I really don't know.
In these "days" , i watch back the famous drama from HK TVB channel " Moonlight Resonance". I like these drama very much and yet I learned some (don't know how to say). SO willing to have a little tried on it. Hopes it will be working on my sickness.
God , please bless me...
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